Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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