while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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