u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
