Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
