Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
