All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
