if you like me you must not know who I am
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's great music for shaving your balls
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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