That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
