you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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