6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
