I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
