Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
