Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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