Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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