Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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