remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she looked like the before picture.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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