I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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