you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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