and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
