Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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