Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
everyone is single if you try hard enough
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
