They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
