Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
