Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pants are for mortals
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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