two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
