He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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