It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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