i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need to get me chipped asap
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
