I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
