Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
