I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
