Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
