I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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