I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
