we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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