3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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