Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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