Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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