Cold hands, warm shart.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
