He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
