Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
