do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
