So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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