My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
