Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
