i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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