Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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