Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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