i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
