Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
