Dual....:-)
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
