oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
