he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
