new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
