I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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