Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
