My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
