I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
