I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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